Interview with a Turkey

 Monty Wyne

In the interest of adding a little humor to the Thanksgiving Holiday, we thought it might be fun to create a mock interview. So, rather than interview one of our own species, we decided to talk to a turkey. Enjoy!

Note: Bob the Interviewer is a little timid, hesitant. Tom the Turkey is self-assured and big as life.

Bob:Well, once again families and friends come together to celebrate Thanksgiving. We thought it might be fun this year if we did something different. So, we decided to look at Thanksgiving through a turkey’s eyes.

SFX: (We hear a turkey gobbling in the background.)

Bob: (Hesitant)   Hello…ahh?

Tom: (Self-assured)   Tom. The name is Tom.

Bob: I’m Bob. Pleased to meet you Tom.

Tom: I’d shake your hand Bob, but…

Bob: (Nervous laugh)   Well Tom…where should we start?

Tom: How about the beginning?

Bob: Yes…ah…the beginning. Well, tell us a little about your first Thanksgiving.

Tom: Happy it wasn’t my last.  

Bob: Yes…well ahh.. (Hesitates) So, what’s your favorite Thanksgiving memory, Tom?

Tom: That I made it another year without ending up on a platter. (Chuckles)

Bob: I see. Well, congratulations.

Tom: And what’s your favorite Thanksgiving memory, Bob?

Bob: (With relish)   Eating the last drumstick.  Oops... I don’t know what I was thinking.  (Embarrassed) 

Tom: No worries, Bob. At least it wasn’t mine.

Tom & Bob: (They both laugh, Tom heartily)

Bob: Well... ahh… moving right along, I’m sure your Turkey friends and family tuned in today. Anything you’d like to say to them? 

Tom: SureRun like hell, ‘cause you can’t fly.

Bob: That’s… ahh... certainly good advice Tom. And… what are your plans this Thanksgiving?

Tom: Well, honestly Bob, I make it a habit not to plan ahead come Thanksgiving. One never knows.

Bob: Good point there, Tom. 

Tom: Thanks Bob. So, what are yours?

Bob: I think we’re having ham this year at the relatives.

Tom: Did you hear that my turkey friends? Bob’s on our side. 

SFX: (Turkeys gobbling in approval)

Bob: (Embarrassed.)  Thank you. Ah…thank you. Well, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I brought you a little gift.

Tom: You shouldn’t have, Bob. That’s very thoughtful.

Bob: Your favorite nuts and berries.

Tom: Thanks Bob, but I’m stuffed.

Bob: You are a regular comedian, Tom. 

Tom: Well, my philosophy is, make the best of life… it can be short.

Bob: So, on a happier note… do you have a favorite song this time of year?

Tom: Funny you should ask. I’d have to say (sings) “Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Stayin’ Alive. Stayin’ Alive.” (Continues to sing, fade him under interviewer.)

Bob: Well Tom, I’m afraid our time is about up. Anything you’d like to tell our listeners before we sign off?

Tom: Gobble, gobble. (Keeps on singing “Stayin’ Alive” in background)

Bob: Thanks for being with us today folks. This is Tom and Bob wishing everyone out there a Happy Thanksgiving.

SFX: (We fade out with Tom still singing “Stayin’ Alive.”)